A Year in the Life

As I reach the first anniversary of my moving to New Jersey, I feel compelled to look back and examine what has happened in my life during the past year. It’s a Jewish thing. However, this being a blog and not a Hebrew school class, I’ve decided to focus my reflective post on some of the high(low)lights of my recent dating past. All dates have received nicknames to protect their innocence, though sometimes I don’t know why.

August 2006: Three dates in one week, and I whittle the field down to Jersey Guy. Nice enough, balding a bit, but he owns a condo and seems to dig me. Things progress along over the next few weeks, I meet his friends, we hit the shore, celebrate his birthday. Then, he drives me to the train station. As a “When Harry Met Sally” devotee, I should have known better. But, I am dumb and so I’m not terribly surprised by an awkward email breakup message in my inbox that Tuesday.

October 2006: Best date EVER with Graphic Designer Guy who lives in Brooklyn, digs Ethiopian food, is well read, has a great relationship with his parents, is employed and artistic. After another, more lukewarm date 5 weeks later, I never hear from him again.

December 2006: My date with Homophobe Guy is over before it even starts. We have plans for Friday and Thursday night we are chatting on IM. I excuse myself to go watch TV, telling him, “I’m going to go watch the gayest show on television.” This is a direct quote from me. He never asks what show and I don’t volunteer the information. The next day (i.e. the day we are scheduled to go out) he sends me an email saying he doesn’t want to meet because he “doesn’t like how I used the word gay.” Little does he know the show in question was “Queer as Folk.”

January 2007: A new year, a new resolve to “get out there.” My initiative is cruelly rewarded with a date that has ever since been referred to as The Rabbit Guy. No, not the rabbit made famous by Sex and the City. These were actual rabbits. Two of them. And they roamed freely in the basement of this guy’s grandmother’s house. Oh, and he slept on the hide-a-bed similarly located below ground. That afternoon, I suffered through lunch at a steakhouse (I don’t eat non-kosher meat) and awkward drink at a coffee shop. He calls the next week to ask me out, and luckily I get his voice mail when I tell him I never want to see him again.

March 2007: Tattooed and Jew’d Guy is sensitive (his tattoo says “strength” in Hebrew) and according to a co-worker he’s a really nice guy. Though we meet on JDate and he now lives in Central Jersey, he’s from the area so I figure the reference speaks well for him. Two awesome dates, including one where he brings his dog over to my place, and I never hear from him again. Detecting a pattern?

The next few months play host to a cast of characters that rivals the best chick flick montage. There’s Beige Guy, Indian Guy, Doorman Guy, McJewy, and my personal favorite Overly Flirtatious Orthodox Brotha Man Guy.

As I head into Summer 2007, a few prospects are lingering on the horizon. In a rare feat of optimism, I’m going to refrain from mentioning them here… for now. Maybe one of these guys will want to stick around and I will actually want him to. Or maybe he’ll have some bizarre aversion to the color yellow. You never know.